family pic

family pic

Thursday, December 13, 2012


The past couple of weeks I've been trying to get my game plan together for my future. I have been terrified to make a decision. I do not like setting the direction of my family because I am scared that I am going to fail. I am the type of person that wants others to make decisions for me and tell me what to do. I think I do that just to ensure that I, on my own, will not fail. You see, technically, if the decision I've made based off of what someone has told me to do doesn't work out, I really haven't failed. It wasn't really my decision in the first place. 

I just don't believe that I am wise enough to make important decisions for my family. I am terrified that I will pursue the wrong career and will not be able to provide for my boys. I keep going back to a time period when things looked VERY bleak for us. I thought I was going to have to get a full time job... which would probably pay very little.. which meant that Kydon would have to go to a daycare that accepted government vouchers, and the older boys would have to switch school once again. That's bleak right?! I was an emotional mess during that time, but guess what... God came through for us. He has ALWAYS come through for us! Yes, I have had some "scares", but each and every time He came through... even if it was at the last minute.

It makes me think about when the Israelites crossed the Red Sea. God did not tell them, "Listen, I'm going to take care of you. Don't worry about getting across the Red Sea. I've got that taken care of." Its not like they were running from the Egyptians and could see the Red Sea parting from a distance as they began to get closer. There was a moment when they stood there right on the shore, trapped between the sea and the Egyptians. What a scary moment right?! But God came through for them and so graciously delivered them. It was part of His plan all along! And guess what? It is part of His plan for me too! I need to listen to Moses' words he gave to the Israelites..

"... Do not fear! Stand by and see the salvation of the Lord which He will accomplish for you today.."

So I conclude this post with assurance that I can make decisions because I have the Holy Sprit in me, guiding and directing me... and He can be trusted. Yes, I would love to see His planner for the year He has on file for my family, but He asks me to trust him today

Thursday, December 6, 2012

My name is Christina... and I am girly

This post contains some thoughts and musings that have been going through my head for a while now. As far back as I can remember, I have loved to dress up. My mom would make me the prettiest frilliest dresses and I couldn't wait for Sunday to come so I could wear one of them to church. I have early memories from when I was 5 walking down the hallway at church to go to my class and all the adults would tell me how pretty I looked in my handmade outfits. I ate it up :) I also remember thinking that 14 was the golden age. Most kids can't wait to turn 16 so they can drive. What was so magical about turning 14 you ask? That was the age I was allowed to wear makeup... blue, purple, green, pink, sparkling eyeshadows and pink, red, violet lipsticks, eyeliner, mascara, blush... the sky was the limit at age 14. You see before then it was just that clear mascara that made you look like you were almost wearing makeup.
Modeling my new Christmas present

and modeling another dress
wearing one of the dresses my mom made for me

I think this picture is pretty self explanatory

So this was me. 100% girly. The type of girl you never had to force to wear a dress! So then I started school. Occasionally I would dress up for school and wear one of my favorite dresses. Some of the little girls started asking me why liked to wear dresses. I started to get embarrassed about dressing up and made a point to dress down for school. One day I got made fun of for bringing my purse to school, so I quite carrying a purse as well. From that point on I feel like I suppressed the girl inside of me and tried to tell myself that "dressing up" was silly and shallow.

I was still always paranoid about over dressing. Most women have a fear of being underdressed for a nice event... mine was the complete opposite. About 5 years ago, one of the churches I was attending had a Valentines Banquet. I was so excited because I finally got to get dressed up. I wore my black lacy sparkly dress for this Hawaiian themed banquet. I walked into the fellowship hall and the pastor had on a Hawaiian shirt and shorts. Seriously

So this bring me to the present. I have decided that I love to dress up and that is ok. Yes, I still wear dresses to my college classes even though we are allowed to wear pants now. Yes I wear my dresses to church, not because I think we should wear our best for God in His house (which seriously makes no sense at all... technically the church isn't God's house... and He makes a point IN Scripture to tell us He doesn't look at the outer appearance, but the heart. Rabbit trail I know) I wear dresses simply because I Love to wear them! That is just who I am. And I'm becoming okay with that :)

Sunday, December 2, 2012


Friday afternoon my stress level, on a scale from 1(low) to 10(mental breakdown), was approximately a 9.79. I had a little work to finish up before taking the kids to see a movie, so I decided to take them to chick-fil-a. I thought they could play while I worked. Ha.Ha.Ha. Kydon couldn't open the door to the play area so, literally, every 5 minutes I had to get up to open the door for him. He had numerous meltdowns, and eventually I had to give up, go home, work (which was filled with numerous meltdowns), and catch a later showing. When I finally finished my work I thought I was going to explode. I was bitter about having such an awful day. I decided I needed to take just a few minutes to pray and calm down before we left. When I closed my eyes it hit me that this had not been an awful day. Yes, I just had encountered a couple of awful hours, but this had actually been a great day. Lets rewind to 1:00 earlier in afternoon.

I was getting ready to meet with my advisor to figure out my final college spring schedule. I was nervous because I had looked at the course offerings and it didn't look like I was going to be able to match it with the boys' school schedule. I was willing to do a day or two of before or afterschool care, but I really wanted to be on the same schedule as the boys. I met with my advisor and we saw conflicts. We then worked it out where I would take the early morning class online. It all looked pretty manageable except for another early class that I would have to rush to make it to. We then realized that was offered online as well... and it was for the 2nd session online. It would be brutal to take two classes online during the same session along with on campus classes. Another pleasant surprise, I was able to transfer some credit hours, and was down to 15 hrs opposed to 16. I then spoke to my advisor who is also the vice president of the college about grad school and she gave me some great advise, encouragement, and offered to write a detailed recommendation letter to the grad schools I apply to.

I left the meeting feeling completely in awe of the Lord. He had been so gracious to me. I kept thinking during the meeting during my silent pleas with the Lord, that I didn't deserve Him to answer my prayer... I had even forgot to read my Bible that morning. But He took care of me. He lavishly poured out His love on me.

So fast forward a few hours, when i was getting ready to ride my day off as awful and was growing bitter towards the Lord for not working things out for me.... As I sat there remembering my afternoon, I thought how selfish I was being. No, this day had not been awful. I had let a relatively brief trial cause me to forget God's goodness and provision towards me. I guess its all about perspective...