tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7817225600876770232024-03-13T22:06:25.234-07:00Unedited MotherhoodThe real, raw, unedited life of a single mom of three boys. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613624229623227931noreply@blogger.comBlogger67125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-781722560087677023.post-17097778287310027642016-04-30T15:38:00.000-07:002016-04-30T16:31:47.342-07:00The Single Mom & Government AssistanceI've chosen to write about a very controversial subject. Government assistance. A completely different feeling, mood, and/or mindset came over you when you read those two simple words didn't it? Most people have strong opinions regarding their stance on this topic and tend to be very verbal regarding their views. The purpose of this post is not to change your viewpoint, but to hopefully help you become more aware of the effects your verbalizations about government assistance can have on others. Let me share some of my story.<br />
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A couple of years ago I very suddenly and unexpectedly found myself on my own, without a full time job, without a place to live, without enough money for a rental deposit, and without a credit score as I had never even used a credit card. A dear mentor of mine offered for my children and I to move in with her until I had saved up enough money for a rental deposit. </div>
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I had always seen myself as a strong individual. If someone told me I wasn't capable of doing something... I was going to do it. You guys, I even thought about joining the military after high school just because I felt like people viewed me as weak. Yes me, the girl who will not step foot out of the house without some makeup on. I <i>was</i> going to get out of my financial destitution. </div>
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But... I couldn't.<br />
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For two weeks I sent out dozens and dozens of job applications. I didn't get one single interview. I sent out private messages to my Facebook friends. Nobody was hiring.</div>
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I had another dilemma going on. If I got an 8-5 job that would require day care expenses for my 4 year old along with before school and after school care for two kiddos. It would also require over $3,000 a year in summer childcare expenses. After calculating out the expenses I realized that I would actually be in the hole at the end of the month paying childcare expenses if I obtained a normal $10 hr job. </div>
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I went to apply for government assistant childcare vouchers. There was a waiting list to obtain a voucher and you also had to show that you had already obtained a job before the vouchers would be granted. </div>
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I ended up finding a part-time 9-2 job. This would prevent before school and after school expenses, but I would still need to find childcare for my 4 year old. Less than 2 days into the job I received a call that my son had received a spot in a Head Start preschool. I just needed to go into their offices to complete some additional paperwork. This preschool is a government assisted center for low income families with children who need academic help before starting Kindergarten. </div>
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As I walked into my caseworker's building I felt so ashamed and embarrassed being on the receiving end of a "hand out". I had just heard some acquaintances state that they were pulling their children out of their school because of the low income children of various races in that school. I was not only putting my son in that school, but I was now categorized (with the exception of race) as one of <i>those </i>families. </div>
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As I waited in the waiting room, my name was called. The case worker was a large jovial Hispanic man. You couldn't help but love this man. He began to ask me difficult questions about our income, housing status, etc. I reluctantly opened up about our current circumstances. He immediately jumped into action and helped me come up with a game plan in order to provide for my family. While he was giving me information about various government assistance available to me, his boss, an empowering exhorting hispanic lady, came and sat with us. While I was talking to her, she stated, </div>
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"I feel like you are a believer. I am a believer as well.. along with your case worker here (who was beaming from this information). I feel like this meeting today has been God-ordained. I can see that He has a plan to take care of you."</div>
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Which was through government assistance.</div>
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I cannot express how big of a blessing Kydon's preschool was not only to Kydon, but to me as well. I chose to represent his school as their policy counsel leader, and once a month I met with the other policy counsel leaders representing all of the other Head Start programs in our area. I met the most beautiful souls during those meetings, one of whom was an African American mother of three children. She worked full time, taking the bus at 6 am in order to get her child to daycare and to make it to work on time. She received no child support and obviously could not support her children off the minimum wage amount she was making. I was kindly put back into my place when I expressed my ignorant opinion about not needing to make a big deal about their preschool graduation. I stated how I felt like they would have plenty of ceremonies from elementary to high school. I was reminded that this may be the only ceremony for some of these children.</div>
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During this time I would read Facebook posts about people's disgust over food stamps, medicaid, etc. Tears would well up as read and heard about how these people needed to just go and get a job. "It's not that easy" I would think.</div>
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Some people, aware of my situation, would quickly end their opinions with "it's different with you". Their words still stung. </div>
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I write this post to you, encouraging you to be aware of the stories behind the individuals receiving government assistance, encouraging you to be sensitive in how you verbalize and post about your opinions, encouraging you to be quick to offer a helping hand rather than to pass stereotypical judgements.<br />
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God has graciously brought me into a new season of life, but I can honestly say I am deeply grateful for the previous chapter of my story and the life changing lessons I learned during that time. I'll leave you with a precious video of my son during his preschool graduation. He went into the program with delayed speech, barely able to state his first name. He left able to state his first and last name, his age, and his birthdate. I feel honored to have been a part of this program. </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613624229623227931noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-781722560087677023.post-68297087700290211362016-04-21T16:01:00.001-07:002016-04-21T19:27:03.044-07:00A Single Mom's Most Embarrasing Experience<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-nwYKljSwGJU/VxlbALzUroI/AAAAAAAAAJk/wDZjoA-iUSoeWpu2IqnG_1q8QMsdSKT5ACLcB/s1600/12717179_10208443159375688_2021506169815127124_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-nwYKljSwGJU/VxlbALzUroI/AAAAAAAAAJk/wDZjoA-iUSoeWpu2IqnG_1q8QMsdSKT5ACLcB/s200/12717179_10208443159375688_2021506169815127124_n.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Boys and I after we finished cleaning the home we moved out of. </td></tr>
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Okay my friends. I've decided that it is time to share one of the most embarrassing experiences of my life. I'm pretty certain that majority of people feel best when their embarrassing experiences are shared with and known by no one. I on the other hand, being the extrovert that I am, have to verbalize the incident in order to have closure. <br />
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So THE incident. A couple of months ago the boys and I moved. We were planning on moving at the end of the month, but early on in the month, on a Sunday, I discovered the upcoming Saturday would be a better date for recruiting help from our new church. That's 6 days folks. 5 of which I was working from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. 2 of those evenings were filled with ball practices. Homework, laundry, cleaning, etc still needed to happen as well. Needless to say, I was nowhere near ready for this move. BUT I couldn't do this on my own, so somehow I was going to make this work.</div>
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Also let me add... Many people are familiar with the sheer utter chaos that comes with my family. I even talk about embracing chaos as a single mom. Remember I wrote a blog post about it. But... I didn't want that to be my church family's first impression of me. You want to look like you've got your act together... with a side of chaos. Chaos cannot be the foundation. Yes, in reality it most definitely IS the foundation of my family. I know. I'm a hypocrite. Stop. Just Stop. </div>
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So fast forward to the day of the move. The people helping me out were to arrive at 11 a.m. We had to fit in a walk through of the new place and a ball game in before 11. I KNOW. So the morning of I'm rushing around the house trying to get everything all set for the ballgame. You guys, there are clothes all over the house. Not just from the boys, but from me as well. Not just shirts and pants if you know what I'm saying. There were dirty dishes in the sink and pots and pans covering the oven and the counter. It was terrible. I was having major anxiety looking around at the mess IN ADDITION to all of the boxes all over the house. The silver lining in my head was the 30 minute window in between the game and the time people were supposed to arrive. I was going to get a surge of adrenaline.. like the people you hear of who end up lifting a 3,000 pound car off a trapped victim.. I was going to get that kind of adrenaline rush and accomplish a month's worth of cleaning and packing in those 30 minutes. </div>
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So fast forward a bit more. We drove out to the house, did a walk though, walked out of the soccer complex, and now .....Ready, Set, GO... GET TO THE HOUSE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. I jumped in the car, seriously about to pop with anxiety and stress. As soon as I started driving I received a call from our pastor who had come to help with the move. </div>
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They were already at the house. </div>
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I can't. I can't even describe. The horror. </div>
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You guys. My under garments were on the bathroom floor. Was there another pair behind the dresser... under the dryer... under the bed? The horror.<br />
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So the actual move....<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sitting here, thinking about the move...</td></tr>
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The rest of the day is a bit of a blur. Maybe it's because I don't want to fully have to remember it. Maybe it's because I'm still suffering from some PTSD. Pretty much all of my fears came to life, including a spill of my "unmentionable" dresser drawer. Yes, they all fell out in the yard. Yes, this was when one of my pastors was moving it. Yes, it was terrible. Yes, I literally died... all life was gone from my body. Yes, I probably met Jesus, but He decided to send my soul back to earth because apparently the sole purpose of my creation is to humor Him.<br />
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So... after this move I was faced with 2 options. I could run away in shame, avoiding those people who saw me and my family at our absolute worst. Or I could let go of the shame and accept the season of my life the Lord has put me. You guys, this season is so incredibly humbling. It's not a pretty season. It's messy. It's loud. It's chaotic. And... it's what my family is right now. <br />
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So here I am. Owning this move... undergarments and all. Living in the freedom of Christ, and surprisingly experiencing a taste of His acceptance and grace from all of those poor souls who helped me with the move :)<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613624229623227931noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-781722560087677023.post-19372062438386706722016-02-28T16:44:00.001-08:002016-02-28T16:51:27.400-08:00The Church & The Single Mom<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5n0EQ7fDNdY/VtNry1cDzpI/AAAAAAAAAIg/Q98W_Tb0En8/s1600/IMG_4074.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5n0EQ7fDNdY/VtNry1cDzpI/AAAAAAAAAIg/Q98W_Tb0En8/s1600/IMG_4074.JPG" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Picture of some of the ladies from our new church.</td></tr>
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This past year the boys and I left the church I had attended for the past 12 years. To say this was a difficult and emotional decision would be an understatement. I was left feeling like a fish out of water. We visited countless churches and found a few that we liked, but just were not compatible for our family whether due to location, service times, etc. I'm happy to say we've finally found a church that has welcomed us in with open arms!<br />
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During our hunt, I began to realize how tricky it is for a single mother to attend church. I also began to notice the lack of single mothers within the church. <br />
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Our society is full of single parents. There are 12 MILLION single parent families in the United States. 1 out of 3 children live in a home without their father. Guys, that's astronomical. What concerns me is that this statistic is not true within the church... 1 out of 3 parents within the church are NOT single parents. The reality is that 1 out of 50 single parents attend church. Yikes!<br />
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I've concluded that the average church is afraid to address single parenting. After all, the single mother may have gained her "single mom" status because of sin in her life. If the church started to reach out to single parents it may look like they are supporting unwed pregnancies or unbiblical divorces.<br />
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At the end of the day, avoidance doesn't change reality. The reality is that the culture we as a church are trying to reach is <i>filled</i> with single parents.<br />
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Some churches realize this and hesitantly address single parenting with controlled instructional classes with the goal being to help the single parent get out of their sin. I've heard a pastor say that their church loves single parents and desires to "help them out of the ditch". This gives the assumption that single parents are in a state of sin. Ministering to them looks like 10 step programs with the goal of getting them out of their sin.<br />
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Let's go back to the first single mom mentioned in the Bible, Hagar. God promised to give Abraham and Sarah many children. Sarah began to get impatient with her seemingly barren womb and gave Abraham her handmaid, Hagar, to fulfill God's promise. After Hagar gave birth to a son Sarah was able to get pregnant and gave birth to a son as well. She became resentful of Hagar and her son Ishmael and ordered Abraham to send them away. Hagar and her son were left in the desert to die.<br />
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But then God spoke to her from heaven, giving her a 10 step program on how to become more Christlike.<br />
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No. That would would have been absurd. God spoke to her with encouragement, reassuring her that He would bless her son's life. Then God took care of her physical needs providing her with a well of water.<br />
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What an amazing example of what our ministry to single parents should look like. The single mom needs encouragement, not judgement. Maybe her status was the result of a sinful decision, but how wonderful is it that God sees her through Christ's lenses of grace and redemption. May the church view her through the the lenses of Christ as well. May we be filled with encouragement and support, the same encouragement and support that God poured onto Hagar.<br />
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<i>Statistics taken from:</i><br />
http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2012/dec/25/fathers-disappear-from-households-across-america/?page=all<br />
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http://singles.ag.org/singleparents/personalissues/index.cfm?targetBay=9e1fc910-cb0c-4d87-aea1-8eaf00f4d652&ModID=2&Process=DisplayArticle&RSS_RSSContentID=22923&RSS_OriginatingChannelID=1255&RSS_OriginatingRSSFeedID=4962&RSS_Source=Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11613624229623227931noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-781722560087677023.post-5144330411006192272015-12-28T11:47:00.000-08:002015-12-29T14:19:05.437-08:00Striking out in Life<div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The inspiration for this post ;)</td></tr>
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A year and a half ago life threw me a curve ball. In the game of baseball curveballs are unexpected and are thrown for the sole purpose of striking out the batter. The pitcher assumes that batter will be anticipating a pitch based off of a prediction from the speed and direction of his previous pitches. He then throws the ball with a completely different technique startling the batter, which typically results in a poor swing and ultimately a strike out. </div>
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The curve ball I received actually nailed me, the batter, and left me laying in a fetal position on home plate. The ball was made out of steel... with nails sticking out of it... and it was on fire. I'm not sure if I am accurately conveying just how destructive this curve ball was ;)</div>
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So there I was laying in the fetal position on home plate.<br />
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"STRIKE 3!" What?! The ball had hit me. My uniform was seared and bloody. Clearly this was not a strike. But the call was nonnegotiable.<br />
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The game was over for me. But in this analogy, the game was life. Life kept going on. The baseball game was not over, but all I could do was crawl helplessly to bench and passively watch the game unfold. </div>
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I tried to make the best of my bench status, indulging in peanuts and bubble gum. I told myself, if this is my new position I might as well make the best of it. But after a couple of innings, I was deeply discontent. I was chosen to be on this team. I was a Cardinal (seems like an appropriate team name considering the red hair). I could pretend that I was no longer on the team and live life as a mere fan, but that did not change the reality. I was still a member on this team.<br />
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But I couldn't get myself to step back onto the field. I decided to spend my time on the bench <i>really</i> watching the game. I saw some of our weaknesses as a team. We failed a lot with many strikes, missed catches, and good swings resulting in foul balls. I became relieved that we were allowed multiple strikes and errors. It even hit me that in this game, we were expected fail multiple times. There was a margin of error in this game.<br />
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I saw unfair calls being declared on my teammates as well. I listened to teammates as they passed me in between innings and heard stories of injustices done against them on the field. Some of them experienced a series bad calls and somehow managed to get right back into the game.<br />
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I started to watch our coach. I loved our coach, but I had been avoiding Him. He had chosen me to be on this team, even guaranteeing an unconditional life-time membership. I was pretty certain he was regretting this guarantee right about now as my contribution level was at a solid zero. But as I <i>really </i>started to watch Him, I did not see even a hint of regret in His eyes. He loved each one of His players and refused to draft any of them, even after a series of failures.<br />
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I realized that I had an amazing coach. He obviously didn't need me on His team. He simply wanted me on His team. Why me? That was a question I would never have an answer for. But it prompted the question "What now?".<br />
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I felt like a complete failure. I looked like a complete failure. But my coach <i>wanted</i> me back out on the field. I could finish out my career on the bench in shame, telling myself I didn't deserve to be on the field. Or I could get back out there.... <i>joyful </i>over the fact that I was wanted out there.<br />
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So this brings me to the present. Where I am ready to get back into the game, timidly taking a batter's stance on home plate. Going back into the game with a new perspective, a new joy, and the weight of performance off my shoulders.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-781722560087677023.post-17114194626261794952015-11-22T15:07:00.001-08:002015-11-22T15:07:25.954-08:00Embracing Chaos as a Single Mother<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Dear single mother. It is 10:11 PM and you have collapsed into your bed.<br />
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Your bed…covered with sticky notes because your son decided to remove every.single.sticky.note from the stack. Your bed... with a pile of clothes you never hung up on the corner. Your bed which is very likely to end up containing a couple of children by the morning.<br />
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You have collapsed into your bed, but your head is still spinning from your daily chaos...followed by a weight of guilt.<br />
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"I have got to get on a better schedule. I have got to get the kids to bed earlier. I didn't even look over son #1's homework... we should have stayed up tonight to look over it. Kid #2 never brushed his teeth. The kids aren't getting enough sleep… "BOYS! STOP TALKING AND GO TO SLEEP"… I shouldn't yell so much. I need to come down harder on the kids. I never got groceries. I forgot to pick up child # 3's prescription. I should hang up these clothes. My house is a mess. My life is a mess."</div>
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A one word description of your day would be c<i>haos</i>. Absolute utter chaos. You feel like a complete mess… and, well, let's admit it… You.Are.A.Mess. </div>
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And this is where you expect me to give you a 5 step plan to create a life of peace and order.<br />
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But....as I've watched other single families over the years and have analyzed my own life, I've recently concluded that life as a single mom is messy. You can only accomplish so much, by yourself, with only 24 hours in your day. It's not that some tasks <i>might</i> fall through the cracks... but that some tasks <i>will</i> fall through the cracks.<br />
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You can choose to live your life... with chaos....and guilt</div>
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You can choose to live your life... with chaos... and grace. </div>
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You don't get to eliminate the element of chaos. But when you find yourself laying on a pile of sticky notes at 10 O'Clock at night and the weight of guilt threatens to suffocate you, you can wearily place that guilt into the hands of Christ. And rest in the joy and peace of His unconditional love.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-781722560087677023.post-2260069074756628212014-05-12T09:09:00.001-07:002015-11-22T12:57:57.563-08:00How I Style My HairI just received a Facebook message from a friend asking me how I style my hair and I've decided to complete something I've been working on for a while now….I'm going to give you a curly hair tutorial :) I'll be honest with you, I'm just about 29 years old and I feel like I'm JUST now getting a grip on the whole curly hair thing. Some of these steps may sound absurd, but I challenge you to give it a try!<br />
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First… some curly hair facts:</div>
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Interesting Fact #1. You only need to wash your hair a couple of times a week. You may even be able to get by washing it once a week. You may be thinking <i>but I have to wash my hair every day or two because it gets oily. </i>Each time you wash your hair you strip it of oil causing your scalp to produce more oil. Endure a couple of weeks of gradually washing your hair fewer and fewer times. Eventually your scalp will not produce as much oil. </div>
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Interesting Fact #2. Curly hair looks the worst the day you wash it. It typically looks the best a couple of days after a wash after a little freshening up which I'll explain later.</div>
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Interesting Fact #3. Curly hair is VERY dry. I feel like you can never have too much moisturizer in it!! A good THICK RICH conditional needs to be your BFF.<br />
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Interesting Fact #4. Curly hair NEEDS layers. Without layers the root gets weighed down giving your hair the look of being flat on top and full on the bottom. Curly hair looks great when its full on top and tapers out towards the bottom. You can only do so much with products… you gotta have a good hair cut. Tell your hair stylist that you want your cut to give you this look. DO NOT GO TO GREAT CLIPS. I have shed tears over some awful Great Clips hair cuts. You just gotta spend the money on a good haircut. </div>
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Ok. Now for the tutorial</div>
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STEP 1: </div>
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Wash your hair with shampoo. Honestly I don't have a particular shampoo I love. I do know that Suave doesn't work for me. I also know that I have to rotate between shampoos every couple of weeks. I use a lot of shampoo to get all my product out and just rinse it out. I don't try to comb hair during my shampoo. </div>
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STEP 2:</div>
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CONDITIONER…Your BFF remember. I use:</div>
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I use about 3 half dollar size squeezes. This stuff isn't that expensive so I justify the generous amount! I use very little on my scalp to prevent excess oil. Rub it into your hair, work it into the ends first, wait a few minutes (shave, do whatever else you need to do) then, using ONLY your fingers, comb the conditional in your hair. This takes me FOREVER it seems, but remember, we are only washing our hair now a couple of times a week so we can justify a longer shower :) Do no use a brush because a brush will break your hair causing more frizz. I usually take small sections of hair and run by fingers carefully through it, adding more conditioner if it's too tangled for my fingers to run through. </div>
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Finally you can run your fingers through your hair. Now rinse your hair and…. REPEAT. What??? Yes. Condition it one more time. You don't need as much conditioner. Just a quarter size drop. Rinse it out. Your hair is now silky smooth. </div>
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Now ring out the excess water from your hair and…. get ready for it… add just a little bit more conditioner to your hair. Just a dime size amount and LEAVE IT IN YOUR HAIR. Remember we aren't loading our scalp up with moisture, just our dry dry hair. </div>
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Step 3:</div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wNtPYCA15s0/U265C93NaVI/AAAAAAAAATo/zv_BtiL2WlE/s1600/IMG_2458.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wNtPYCA15s0/U265C93NaVI/AAAAAAAAATo/zv_BtiL2WlE/s1600/IMG_2458.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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Put your hair in a towel. DO NOT BRUSH YOUR HAIR. Yes, this is an important step. Leave your hair in the towel for at least 5 to 10 min. This keeps your hair from frizzing and moisturizes hair even further.</div>
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Sep 4:</div>
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IMMEDIATELY (if I want a few minutes my hair starts to dry with in an irreversible style of its own) grab some Curl's rock curl amplifier, which looks like this:</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RMkvtpC79gg/U265u4vCx-I/AAAAAAAAATw/zA67Hr_g_WE/s1600/IMG_2450.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RMkvtpC79gg/U265u4vCx-I/AAAAAAAAATw/zA67Hr_g_WE/s1600/IMG_2450.jpg" width="239" /></a></div>
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This stuff is pricey, BUT it's really the only pricey product you'll be using. See we've totally justified buying this ;) You can get it at Target or at a hair salon. I use about 3 quarter size squirts of this. DO NOT comb this through your hair. Just scrunch it and gently rub it into your hair. Think of your hair as being extremely fragile. You do not want to separate those curls.</div>
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Step 5:</div>
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Put your hair BACK into your towel for just a minute or 2. A little weird I know, but it takes out the excess product that will cause "crunchiness" and it will get your curls all back together after messing them up a bit with the application of the curl amplifier. Look at this picture to see the different between my curls after removing the towel the first and second times</div>
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After hair being in the towel the first time:</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ImqrDyghGPY/U267JCnnRbI/AAAAAAAAAT8/Bho1a3LB7Vo/s1600/IMG_2454.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ImqrDyghGPY/U267JCnnRbI/AAAAAAAAAT8/Bho1a3LB7Vo/s1600/IMG_2454.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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After applying amplifier and removing from towel the second time:</div>
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Step 6:</div>
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Blow dry hair with a diffuser. Which looks like this:</div>
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My goal is to dry it so it has body on top and tapers out towards the bottom. I focus on drying my hair (which is simply done by pressing head of the diffuser to scrunch your hair towards your scalp) in the middle of my scalp. Think of where you want body and spend more time scrunching your hair there. For example I want the top of the back of my head to have the most body. I spend more time drying there and leave the section towards the bottom of my head a little wet.<br />
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Also use one finger of your hand that is not holding the hair dryer to gently press hair against the scalp the opposite direction you are wanting it to lay. I notice that my curls seem to curl flat against my scalp from the root and they need me to push and dry them the opposite direction in order to give the root some body.<br />
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Dry your hair until the sections towards the top middle and back middle of your scalp are dry.<br />
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Step 7:<br />
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Flip your head back.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-85mQ-7V8EnM/U3Dn6eGZJ0I/AAAAAAAAAUc/t_xamQVHFSU/s1600/IMG_2375.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-85mQ-7V8EnM/U3Dn6eGZJ0I/AAAAAAAAAUc/t_xamQVHFSU/s1600/IMG_2375.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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It looks a bit crazy at this point, but you can see that there is some body on the top and it's a bit wet on the bottom. Fix your curls, tucking in curls that are sticking up and getting your part where you want it (I love a side part with curly hair)<br />
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Step 8:<br />
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Get out your hairspray. I use this:<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-XO5Wtothhgs/U3Do4PVRA6I/AAAAAAAAAUk/HLCwyQdgGjo/s1600/300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-XO5Wtothhgs/U3Do4PVRA6I/AAAAAAAAAUk/HLCwyQdgGjo/s1600/300.jpg" /></a></div>
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Love this stuff! It's cheap and it is the only kind that works from me aside from Big Sexy Hair hairspray (which is much more expensive).<br />
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Spray your entire hair with this stuff after you've tucked and styled your curls. I lightly spray it over the frizz that's starting to come up and quickly run my fingers through the frizz very gently, tucking it back into my curls.<br />
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Step 9:<br />
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Get your diffuser back out and gently dry/scrunch the bottom of your hair. You do not need to flip your hair back over for this because we do not want this section of your hair to have much body, just the top. <br />
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You are basically drying your new styled hair into place at this point. If you are having one of THOSE hair days and your hair still doesn't have much body, go ahead and flip your head with the hairspray now in it and dry it a bit more to add some volume.<br />
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Step 10:<br />
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Go out and rock your curly hair :)<br />
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Remember that your hair will look the best a couple of days after your wash. When you go to style it without washing it, simply mix a little bit (dime or quarter size) of conditioner with some water and wet your hair a bit with your hands, Put it up in a towel for 5 to 10 minutes, Add a squirt or two of curls rock amplifier, flip your head over and dry with a diffuser for just a few minutes, and flip your hair back over adding some hairspray. You'll love the results if you just give it a try :)<br />
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I know this all sounds so complicated, but it actually doesn't take me much time at all. The days in between my wash I only spend 5 to 10 minutes styling my hair. I hope this encourages your curly girls to embrace your curls and just go with it! Don't try to make your hair something it's not, just figure out how to work with what you have. You won't regret it :)<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-781722560087677023.post-16856501273518712782014-05-06T08:55:00.002-07:002014-05-06T08:57:59.210-07:00Loving My Children As They AreHey friends… I'm back :) The past month my life has been crazy and my mind has been mush. I'm going to just be honest… this whole blended family thing is hard work! I think I know what I'm doing, then I realize that I've been doing things completely wrong, then I realize that I may not have been entirely wrong, then I realize that I have no clue what I am doing! Really that pretty much summarizes my thinking process… pretty much every hour… of pretty much every day. Needless to say, there can be a lot of confusion!!<br />
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I have this vision of the family dynamic I desire for my home. Where the kiddos all see themselves as equal and loved… now part of the same family. I have this picture in my head of what our family should be… and I can't make it happen. My family consists of <i>many</i> ;) other individuals with separate visions and desires for our family. I can't make everyone love each other and accept the love they are given… and it hurts my heart each time I see that play out. </div>
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Words are said that sting at times and cause me wanting to retreat. And to be honest sometimes I have had to retreat, getting alone to pray for strength or to call an encouraging friend. But most of the time I can't retreat. I can either fight back or look beneath the hurtful words to see a little boy, hurting and confused. Now, don't get me wrong, sometimes I have to look long and hard and squint my eyes a bit before I see that hurt, but its there! These boys have been through many trials that were completely out of their control. Every child should have a dad and mom who loves each other and loves them… and they didn't get that. It's not fair to them, regardless of who is to blame for their loss. </div>
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And this brings me back to sacrificial love. Am I only going to love my kids if they love me back and treat me kindly? Or am I going to keep showing them love where they are at in their pain, even when it hurts me? It's not easy and I wish I could be bulletproof, but I'm not. Showing steadfast love <i>will</i> hurt, and is it worth hurting over? </div>
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Christ died for everyone, not just those He knew who would love Him in return. He died for the atheist, He suffered and bled for him, even if His love would never be accepted. I know what you are thinking, W<i>ell, He was Jesus. Of course He could love sacrificially! </i>Like He was some kind of superhero who showed sacrificial love because of his super powers that enabled Him to do so. No, He didn't have super powers. He came to earth as a man, hurting and facing temptation just as we do now. </div>
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So I end this post striving to show each one of my children Christ's steadfast and sacrificial love. How this plays out in all the different circumstances and issues that come up, I have no idea. But I strive to keep my heart tender to their hurt and to love each of them as they are. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-781722560087677023.post-32504061757413205142014-03-20T11:52:00.001-07:002014-03-20T11:52:24.958-07:00Should you vindicate yourself on Facebook?<br />
Facebook can be a great tool to minister to others. It allows you to stay connected with friends, share encouraging articles or blogs, and updates in your life. But if used with ulterior motives it can also tear you and fellow Facebook friends down.<br />
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The other day a situation left me feeling misunderstood and hurt. I wanted to stand on a mountain top and explain myself to everyone, but I felt the Lord asking me to trust Him to work it all out. Then I got on Facebook. Let me tell you, it can be soooo easy to attempt to vindicate yourself on Facebook. Every time I would ponder an update the Holy Spirit would ever so subtly tell me "NO… GET AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER." After some contemplation I had to ask myself "Do I really trust the Lord to take care of me, or do I think He need's my help in doing so?" Finally I backed away from the computer and handed the situation over to God.<br />
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So how do you know if you are using Facebook to vindicate yourself? After some pondering I've decided there are three different category "Facebook vindicators" fall into:<br />
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1) The vague status updater<br />
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Ok, we all know of people who write a status clearly directed towards someone else. You especially see this after break ups right?? Something like,<br />
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"I shouldn't have known you were going to break my heart again…"<br />
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<i>then</i><br />
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"Sally has updated her relationship status to single"<br />
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We are all like, Sally, for the love, just send the ex a message and tell him in person. Then a slew of people tell her she's better off and we're like "DON'T ENCOURAGE IT!"<br />
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2) The Bible Verse Jabber<br />
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Then you have the person who is a bit more subtle with their Facebook jabs. They pick a Bible verse that could jab their self offender. Someone gossips about them and then they post a verse about gossiping. Someone doesn't include them in their outing then they post a verse about loving your neighbor.<br />
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3) The last person is the blog/article jabber.<br />
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This person isn't technically writing something directed towards somebody else. They just read an article that in someway makes them feel vindicated and then simply hit that little blue 5 lettered word<br />
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<i>share</i><br />
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They hope this will bring conviction in their offender, relating the article to the pain they've been caused. <br />
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I write this all with conviction because I've fallen in at least one of those categories at different times in my life. <i>ouch</i>. We can justify pretty much anything we put on Facebook, but we much ask ourselves<br />
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Why am I posting this?<br />
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Is it because you want to feel vindicated? Is it because you want other's to validate you?<br />
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I just wander how different Facebook would look like if we all evaluated our motives before posting and sharing what we write.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-781722560087677023.post-90264268187210622452014-02-28T07:58:00.003-08:002014-02-28T07:58:47.243-08:00For the Unappreciated MomThe past couple of weeks I've been challenged to show my kids unconditional love with no strings attached. I'm not gonna lie… it's not easy sometimes.<br />
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I think I get a chorus of amens from fellow mommies when I state that our kids just don't appreciate us sometimes! MULTIPLE times I've found myself walking into church with a child and a purse in one arm, my Bible & the boys' jackets in the other arm… then a child asks me if I can hold his iPod for him because he doesn't want to have to put it in his pocket. To which I respond:<br />
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"Seriously. Look at me."<br />
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Or those nights that I decide to do the whole good mom/housewife thing, making a home cooked healthy meal, and get asked "How many bites do I have to eat?"<br />
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There are nights when I try to do homework with 4 of them ALL needing my help at once. I'll be checking over child <i>A's</i> spelling, while child <i>B </i>yells out "If sally has 5 pencils in 3 cups then gives two of those cups away then receives 4 times as many cups than she had to start with, and gives away 3 pencils from each cup… How many pencils does Sally now have? (while a child <i>C </i>is yelling "How do you spell <i>The Revolutionary War took place in America a very long time ago</i>?"). Child <i>D </i>is hovered over my shoulder asking me repetitively "Can I be done now?". The night ends with at least one of them saying "Thanks mom so much for helping me with my homework. I know you don't have to do it, but understand that you do this because you love me so much and want the best for me." (I know my fellow mommies can catch the sarcasm in that statement… as I have yet to hear of a child thanking his mother for making him do his homework!!) No, my friends, after homework I usually end up with at least one child upset at me for making him do his work.<br />
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In these moments I'm tempted to get mad… okay maybe I do get mad from time to time… but I've been thinking about why do I do these things for the boys. Do I make them healthy dinners & spend hours helping with homework so they will love me even more? So they will compliment me and appreciate me? Or do I do these things simply because I love them and know it's what's best for them.<br />
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This is the weight of unconditional love. It means loving them and showing tough love even when there's nothing in it for me. It means loving them and sacrificing for them… even if they resent me for it.<br />
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I know. It seems a bit unfair at times, but what did Christ have to gain from ministering to people on this earth. He sacrificed all He had for what? Appreciation, Approval, Gratitiude? Those he showed sacrificial love to, forsook all to minister to, turned on him.<br />
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He came to earth to die simply because He loved us.<br />
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What a challenge for me to show my kids sacrificial tough love simply because I love them.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-781722560087677023.post-6949181596152720472014-02-10T07:49:00.001-08:002014-02-10T07:49:32.766-08:00Thou Shall Not Use Pull-upsI think I'm not alone in wishing that God included a book in the Bible called "Parenting 101".<br />
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Almost 9 years ago I became pregnant with my first son. I was young and had no clue what life would be like as a mommy. After hours of labor they placed him in my arms and I remember thinking "what am I supposed to do now…". I couldn't wait to get home and once I got home I wanted to go back to the hospital where I had "professionals" giving me instructions!<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My firstborn son</td></tr>
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Since then I have become better at the whole keeping them alive part. I learned how to nurse my babies, treat their runny noses, change diapers, and even developed mad skills at tossing diapers into the trashcan from across the room. But I still catch myself thinking from time to time that I have no clue what I'm supposed to do as a mother.<br />
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For example, my oldest son was completely potty trained after a week of running around naked in the house without ever using a pull-up. I had it all figured out. Parent's who couldn't potty train their children were obviously using pull-ups and just needed to leave them naked… like I had done. So then my second son came along. It was time to potty train so I used my tried and true method. He peed on the floor for 2 days… and I threw the towel in after he peed… in his TOYBOX… while LAUGHING!!! At that moment I realized I had no CLUE what I was doing.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Potty training my 2nd born son. <br />(Convinced him that Batman uses the potty ;)</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cfqqOIBsW7k/UvjpQBdi41I/AAAAAAAAAS8/mMl_BWzv5Io/s1600/68469_10200344377591205_643556630_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cfqqOIBsW7k/UvjpQBdi41I/AAAAAAAAAS8/mMl_BWzv5Io/s1600/68469_10200344377591205_643556630_n.jpg" height="239" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Potty Training my 3rd born son<br />(Naked, in front of the tv, with his favorite toys)</td></tr>
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Now those thoughts are multiplied times 2 as I have added 2 wonderful stepsons to my clan of boys. We now have 5 different personalities, with different needs, and different tendencies. The Lord has blessed me with a husband to process those thoughts out with and is willing to lead our family, but we both have times when we just don't know what to do. </div>
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During those moments I find myself wishing that God would have included detailed step by step instructions in the Bible on all different kinds of parenting scenarios! (Could you imagine turning to Parenting 101, chapter 5, verse1.. "Thou shall not use pull-ups. If thy child pees in his toy box, thou shall put superhero clothes on thy child and convince him that batman pees in the potty.")</div>
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But I've been realizing that if God had included step by step instructions in the Bible, I wouldn't be so dependent on HIS direction. Instructions would enable me to successfully parent on MY own. He wants me to talk to Him and seek His direction. He wants me to pour myself into His Word and learn more about who He is. As I learn more about who He is I'm drawn to love Him deeply. As I love Him deeply, I become more like Him. The more I'm like Him, the better example of Christ I can be to my kids.<br />
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So I guess I want to encourage my fellow mommies that it's okay… no I think it's actually GREAT, to feel insufficient as a mother. The key is how we react to those feelings. Do you allow those feelings to draw you to dependency in Christ, or do they leave you with guilt and cause you avoid problems with your children? The most important thing your children need from you is to see a real life example of what a relationship with Christ looks like.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-781722560087677023.post-84706252549621111652014-01-20T08:38:00.000-08:002014-01-20T08:53:40.257-08:00My scribbled on, sticker patched, angled car signQuinton and Carter's school requires all the parents who pick up their children in the car line to have a sign with their children's last name and grade numbers. They even provide parents with a piece of card stock paper with some sort of hanger drawn on it for parents to cutout and use for their sign.<br />
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As I was rushing out of the house to pick them up from school with no time to spare, I realized I forgot to cut out their sign. I frantically got out a pair of scissors, haphazardly cut out the sign, scribbled their names down on the sign, and ran out the house. I went to remove the sign from the mirror after I picked up the boys… and ripped it. The next day I pulled in the car line and realized that I couldn't hang my sign. Thankfully, my van was a mess and I just so happened to find a pack of thomas the train stickers. I used the stickers as some sort of tape and managed to adhere the two torn pieces together. </div>
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It didn't completely fix our thomas the train "decorated sign" as it now hangs at an angle. I'm reminded of this every time the teacher comes out to my car and tilts her head as she says "BROOKS….um…. 1 and ……. 3???" </div>
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And I'm reminded of how poor my sign looks as I see other parent's signs. Many have printed out their children's names. Others have gone so far as to laminate the sign, put it in a page protector, and hang it up on an actual hanger with clips. </div>
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Now let me give you a bit of background information about myself. I used to so so wish I was <i>That</i> responsible, organized, take it to the next level parent. We all know what <i>That</i> parent looks like. The one who packs her kid's lunch in the tuberware container with different compartments for each item of food… which she didn't have to even pay money for because she purchased her food with her triple coupons and actually earned money from her grocery trip… and she writes a little note on the kid's napkin wishing him a good day at school. You know… the mom we who actually does the organizational ideas that us other moms only <i>pin</i> about on Pinterest. </div>
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I used to compare myself against <i>That</i> mom and struggled with shame and defeat. I struggled thinking, </div>
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"My house should look like hers, my car should be as clean as her car, I need a color coded calendar like hers, why can't I stick to a chore chart like she does."</div>
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Somewhere in between failing at my 4th chore chart with the boys and throwing away an entire notebook of expired coupons, I finally admitted to myself that I was not <i>That</i> mom. There is nothing wrong with her. Our world would be a disorganized mess without her! She keeps our children's teachers sane by turning in permission forms on time and by actually remembering teacher appreciation day (by making one of the crafts we pinned about on our teacher appreciation gift board :). The world NEEDS moms like them… but it's ok if you aren't that mom. </div>
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God created you with your own unique personality. Once you make peace with that you will slowly feel the pressure to be something you aren't start to lift off your shoulders. In turn, you will also be able to love <i>That</i> mom better. You cannot love her well when you feel threatened and intimidated by her!</div>
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I am not organized.. I like to be doing several projects at once. I'm flexible and like to leave my plans open-ended. I'm full of ideas and like change. That's how God chose and carefully planned out to make me before I was even born. So now as I pull through the car line, I proudly sport my scribbled on, sticker patched, angled name sign. It's unique to me… and I'm okay with that :)</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-781722560087677023.post-39500101949137446992014-01-03T13:34:00.004-08:002014-01-03T13:42:00.595-08:00Reality vs. Facebook captionAbout a year ago I had a few people tell me that they were envious of my life. It really took me by surprise and left me a bit speechless. I thought "Seriously, look at me. Look at my life. Really… I mean REALLY… you wish your life was like this?!!"<br />
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But then I realized that most people gain their perspective of my life by what they see on Facebook. They see a picture of me and the kids all smiling on our little family movie night and think.. "I wish we did family nights like Christina's family." What they don't realize is that the kids might have… ok… probably did… fight during half the outing!! I probably ended up loosing my cool with them and yelled at them a few times… and that picture you saw of them with their arms around each other was staged. Yes staged. I told them to put their arms around each other or they wouldn't get any candy during the movie. I put the picture through a few filters.. blurred out the kid pitching a fit… to create a picture perfect family movie night. I delete the 20 other photos that show traces of the tension we had that evening and proceed to post the leave it to beaver photo on Facebook. Don't judge me. You know you do it too ;)<br />
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Here are some examples</div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-aBg9A0jO4H8/Usch_EZr-jI/AAAAAAAAAQ0/hiXhBHcX65I/s1600/IMG_0691.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-aBg9A0jO4H8/Usch_EZr-jI/AAAAAAAAAQ0/hiXhBHcX65I/s320/IMG_0691.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Reality: Easter Morning</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-dflpHv1sTd4/UsciJWFidzI/AAAAAAAAAQ8/O-tKin4Cu1M/s1600/IMG_0689.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-dflpHv1sTd4/UsciJWFidzI/AAAAAAAAAQ8/O-tKin4Cu1M/s320/IMG_0689.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Facebook caption (picture taken with the screaming baby slid behind me): "Easter morning fun!"</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-TXq2OUJ2lYs/UscjRxmAbCI/AAAAAAAAARU/gDV8pw38sew/s1600/IMG_1266.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-TXq2OUJ2lYs/UscjRxmAbCI/AAAAAAAAARU/gDV8pw38sew/s320/IMG_1266.jpg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Reality: Birthday message to grandma</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_BXJ8Czo1pk/UscjSTrDqxI/AAAAAAAAARY/Jb_2YMRmLyY/s1600/IMG_1264.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_BXJ8Czo1pk/UscjSTrDqxI/AAAAAAAAARY/Jb_2YMRmLyY/s320/IMG_1264.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Facebook caption: "Happy birthday grandma… We love you! ~ Quinton, Carter, & Kydon"</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PA8Z-al4Fns/UsclgXyGjZI/AAAAAAAAARw/wW-kdLg0Z-U/s1600/IMG_4149.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PA8Z-al4Fns/UsclgXyGjZI/AAAAAAAAARw/wW-kdLg0Z-U/s320/IMG_4149.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Reality: Fighting over the dough the entire time we made Christmas cookies</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Uykal01zCms/UsclfdxM3EI/AAAAAAAAARo/a3Ehj4JoVtU/s1600/IMG_4174.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Uykal01zCms/UsclfdxM3EI/AAAAAAAAARo/a3Ehj4JoVtU/s320/IMG_4174.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Facebook caption (after removing 2 children from the shot):<br />
"Making homemade Christmas cookies with the family #family#traditions#fun"</td></tr>
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Now don't get me wrong. I don't think we need to put all our dirty laundry on Facebook. We all know that person whose statuses cryptically seek pity or affirmation. I think we need to keep our lives real (don't paint it out to be something that it is not) and just realize that on Facebook we are only seeing each other at their best.<br />
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Moral: Don't let Facebook form your perception of others' lives ;)</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-781722560087677023.post-8441893736757182982013-08-31T10:42:00.000-07:002013-09-01T13:21:29.260-07:00Crazy enough to handle a crazy lifeI think it's time to continue on with my story :) I'm going to fast forward a bit to this past chapter of being a single mom.<br />
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I've shared before that I never pictured myself as a single mom. I had a vision of the family we would be, but eventually had to let go of that vision and accept the reality of what things were. I would complain to the Lord "Why me?", but deep down inside I knew that HE had equipped me to handle this season of my life. </div>
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Before I even became a single mom I was always up for an adventure. God has just created me with a personality that loves change and challenges. If I'm honest, I never did things the traditional easy way even before I became a single mom. Part of this has to do with the way I grew up. My dad once took us on a vacation to South Dakota. We literally just hopped in the van and left. No hotels were booked ahead of time and we just took our time exploring on the way down. I also remember waking up on random Saturday mornings to one of my parents telling me "Wake up we are going out to eat for breakfast in 5 minutes". I would proceed to jump out of bed, frantically throw on some clothes, and run out the door. When I was 18 I moved states away and the prospect of not knowing hardly anyone excited me. I wanted to become a missionary and had no fear of moving to a new country and adjusting to a new culture. Most people would say "I hope God just doesn't cal me to Africa", and here I was hoping He would call me to Africa or the Amazon jungle. After having Carter, I drove up to Indiana by myself with a 2 year old and newborn. I'd attempt to nurse him, change diapers, and take my 2 year old potty at our gas stops. After 10+ hours of driving alone in the car we made it... with a screaming baby in the back and a two year old having a temper tantrum with an m&m stuck to his chin.<br />
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The list goes on and on.... Some of my ventures were great... and many..oh so many of them not so great. </div>
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So as you can see.... I've never done things the easy traditional way. After becoming a single mom I would think "Why, God, do things have to be so hard?". But He would remind me that I would have a crazy life even if I wasn't a single mom... because that is just how I am. He had given me to personality to handle life as a single mom. And just when life would seem unbearable He would send someone to help me out. </div>
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Now I can see in hindsight God's active working all throughout my life preparing me for this past season of my life. I just had to take a step back from the present and read the past.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-781722560087677023.post-48912843569941108122013-08-04T12:51:00.000-07:002013-08-04T13:00:13.010-07:00Relinquishing ControlMy name is Christina. I am a woman... and I am a controller. I'm throughly convinced that control issues and being a woman go hand in hand. Why you ask? Because of our blessed blessed ancestor, Eve. She had everything we long for... intimate fellowship with God in His actual presence and a painless sinless life in the garden. I LONG to be in the presence of the Lord. I still have spiritual fellowship with him, but there is a part of my heart that will never be completely content here on earth and is left longing to be with him physically. She had this, so what happened. She felt like God was holding out on her... so she took matters in her own hands and ate the forbidden fruit. This soon tied in with her curse...<br />
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"... and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." (Genesis 3:16b)<br />
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Deep inside she longs for her husband to lead her and love her just as she is. So why is this a curse? It is a curse because it requires vulnerability. She has to expose her heart to receive love, which could result in rejection. This not only could result in rejection, but it must certainly would result in rejection from time to time because her husband now has a sin nature. So what does she do about this? She must take matters in her own hands.<br />
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She seeks to control her relationships to ensure love and acceptance. She manipulates her circumstances to prevent rejection. She puts a wall around her heart so she will never be hurt again. She carefully denies and hides the tender vulnerable areas in her heart. She must be tough... She feels weak at times, but must hide that because it will result in rejection. She reaches out in her relationships... out of manipulation to receive love in return. Overall, she must stay in control of her relationships. She cannot depend on others because she is not in control of how they will respond to her. She longs for unconditional love... but that is not something she can control... so she settles for whatever kind of love she can receive from her own efforts.<br />
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So yeah, that me. The past few weeks have just been filled with a tornado of events that I cannot control. Many of these events involved my children. Those of you who are mothers would agree that we want to be in control of everything that happens to our kiddos. But sometimes they get hurt and there is nothing we can do about it... and we long to take their pain away. In my sinful nature I have scrambled to regain control and have tried to take matters in my own hands, but the Lord kept whispering in my ear, "Child let go... let me handle this." I envisioned myself telling Him "No, they need me to help them." (Guess I'm a little more like Eve that I want to admit). Now I'm in a place where there is no denying that I'm out of control. I'm completely utterly dependent on God to come through for my family. Honestly, it is a scary place to be, but how awesome is it to know that He won't let me down. He knows all my weaknesses and ugly parts of my heart, yet promises to take care of me... <i>if</i> I will just let Him.<br />
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"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-781722560087677023.post-12970888754162194022013-07-03T12:58:00.000-07:002013-07-03T12:58:00.410-07:00My piano shipwrecks<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Many of you know that I play the piano. I love playing. It's a wonderful stress reliever for me. There can be utter chaos in my living room with all the boys.. screaming, wrestling, etc... and somehow I can just shut it all out when I put my hands on the keys. I enter my own little peaceful musical island when I play. I know what you are thinking... I would love to hear her perform sometime. The problem is that I cannot bring others on this island with me. We shipwreck on the way.<br />
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I discovered this at one of my first piano recitals. I was going to play a beautiful Chopin song and became so nervous that I literally had an emotional breakdown before I played... in the hallway sobbing because I was so nervous. So naturally you are thinking... I bet she played just fine. Nope. Some people perform well when they are nervous.. and some people shipwreck. I simply crash.<br />
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So lets fast forward a couple of years. I was chosen to perform in our junior high classical piano category in competition with other schools. I sat down at the piano. Played the first page by memory.... then I played the first page again by memory... and played it one more time... and then I got up and left the room. I forgot the last two pages.<br />
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A year later I played offertory in front of the church. Halfway through the song I became so nervous that my hands AND knees were furiously shaking. It was so bad that I seriously contemplated just getting up and leaving halfway through the song. I fumbled through the piece and pressed on.<br />
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Fast forward a few more years where I am grown and married in new church. I sat down at the piano to play offertory... started the usual shaking of the hands and knees... went to turn the page and dropped the book.<br />
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A few months after that I decided to sing in front of church and accompany myself on the piano. I was singing and went to turn the page... and I didn't drop the book this time... I knocked over the microphone.<br />
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That didn't stop me. I chose another song to sing and accompany myself on the piano to. I sat down and noticed the mic was too low to the piano. The music pastor went to adjust it for me. I started singing and the microphone slowly began to fall.... until in was laying on the piano. So there I am trying to tilt my head low while singing and attempted to press the keys around the mic.<br />
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You would think all of this would keep me on my private musical island, but I haven't given up yet. Someday I will turn this into a public island regardless of how many shipwrecks I have to endure on the way!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-781722560087677023.post-77361666826305156382013-06-28T13:04:00.001-07:002013-06-28T13:06:16.134-07:00Secure enough to be insecure <span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm convinced that all women battle with insecurity. In the very core of her being, she asks herself "Am I lovable?". Her experiences in life either answer that question with a simple "yes" or "no". They tell her "I'm lovable if I _____ (fill in the blank)" and "I'm not lovable if I _____."<br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">One woman spends her life trying to do the things that would validate that she is loved and another woman puts up a wall around her heart, convincing herself that she needs no one to validate her worth. The first woman thinks she is lovable if she physically looks good, or is agreeable with others, or stays neat and organized, or is a hard worker, or is desirable to men, or has one that calls her a best friend, etc. She pours her life into whatever she has filled her "blank" in with, which results in a strand of heartbreaks and rejection, ultimately reaffirming her fear that she is not lovable.<br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">The second woman has tasted the sting of rejection and the pain of being told or shown that she is unlovable. She will never let anyone cause her to feel unlovable ever again... so she puts up a wall around her heart. She is tough. She is strong. She is in control. She needs nobody, but feels as though everybody needs her. But beneath her tough exterior is a longing for the little girl inside of her to be loved. She longs for the sensitive fragile areas of her heart to be loved, but knows the risk involved in exposing those areas.<br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">We cannot truly love others if we are seeking for them to validate our worth. We may do nice things for them or look sacrificial, but our motive isn't because we love them. We "sacrifice" so they will validate that we are worth loving. Ultimately, we are manipulating them to affirm our worth. We also cannot truly love others and let others in to love us if we put up a wall around our heart.<br />We can try to get rid of our strategies to affirm our validation, exposing our flaws and imperfections. We can let down the wall around our heart and let others see our fragile heart, showing our neediness and longing to be loved. But we will still be affirmed in our sinful world that we are not lovable. This is typically what we are told to do in counseling. Expose your heart to others and let them see the real you. Risk rejection.... not only risk it, but know you will face it.<br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">So how do we do this?! We have to know who we are in Christ. I've been studying though Ephesians and I've realized that Paul spends the first chapter thoroughly explaining the position believers have in Christ. He first explains to them who they are. He didn't do this by accident. He knew they could not live out their faith practically until they understood the core of who they were. They were chosen, redeemed, declared righteous and holy. Once they understood who there were, THEN they could live it out practically.<br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Yes, Christian women are still going to struggle with insecurity, but they are given the tools to combat those insecurities. God affirms that they are lovable. <span class="text Eph-1-4" id="en-NIV-29211" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> Ephesians 1:5 states that "In love<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29211L" title="See cross-reference L">L</a>)"></sup></span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text Eph-1-5" id="en-NIV-29212" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><sup class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">5 </sup>he predestined<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29212M" title="See cross-reference M">M</a>)"></sup> us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29212O" title="See cross-reference O">O</a>)"></sup> and will" </span><span class="text Eph-1-5" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">This shows that they are not lovable if _____. Christ adopted them simply "in love"... simply because He loves them. It shows that they will never be unlovable if _____. Christ knew the deepest darkest places of their heart and still chose to adopt them as His daughters. </span><span class="text Eph-1-5" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text Eph-1-5" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">So I challenge you to be real... admit your insecurities, expose your heart, expose your weaknesses, let others love OR reject the real you. Yes, you will hurt. That's just part of loving others well, but you know in the back of your mind they cannot crush the core of who you are: a chosen, loved, and holy daughter of Christ. </span></span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-781722560087677023.post-47035335877257345852013-04-22T10:27:00.002-07:002013-04-22T10:27:50.305-07:00My name is Christina and I am___________.If you were to write down a one sentence description of yourself that only you would see... what would you write? <div>
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I am ___________ (fill in the blank).</div>
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Did you answer lonely, or unloveable. Maybe you have had a glimpse of love this week and could put loved. Or are you broken and dysfunctional? Do you define yourself based off your current circumstances... or maybe by your past regrets? </div>
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To be completely honest, I struggle understanding who I am in Christ and how He views me. I so desperately want to understand what God sees when He looks at me. To understand my identity in Him. I know in my head that He sees me as His beloved child, redeemed by Christ's blood. I know that He doesn't label me based off my current or past sins. But, sometimes I don't feel that in my heart. Sometimes I just feel worthless. I don't want to feel that way and I pray that God will change those feelings, and I read about my identity in His Word.... and sometimes that ends with me feeling of worth and value. But it isn't over. I am plagued with feelings of worthlessness the next day or even the next couple of hours and I have to sort them all out with the Lord over...and over....again. Even just admitting my insecurities makes me struggle with worthlessness, because I so wish I was confident in who I am in the Lord. Essentially, I feel worthless for feeling that I'm worthless! BUT that's just where I am. I wish I had confidence in my identity in Christ... and I am daily striving to understand my identity. Somedays it clicks for me, and somedays it just doesn't. But I'm not going to give up trying to understand the way God views me.. and I think that is all that God is asking me to do.</div>
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I've been thinking about how I identify myself especially this past week and have realized that I often let my past define who I currently am. I will think of a past mistake that cannot be erased or forgotten and let that fill me with shame and regret. And then at times I go a step further... I let that shame define me as a bad and worthless person. What if...when my past was remembered, instead of letting feelings of shame and worthlessness define me...I was filled with joy and thankfulness because God sees me as His precious forgiven daughter? And what if... as brothers and sisters in Christ... we looked at each other through the lens of their identity in Christ? What freedom that would bring to us and to our family in Christ! </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-781722560087677023.post-55981082289972268202013-03-08T06:54:00.001-08:002013-03-08T06:57:49.757-08:00Food stamps and Future PlansI thought I'd take a time out from my story and write about what the Lord is currently doing in my life.<br />
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A couple of days ago I broke down and put together a budget. Things were looking a bit bleak with just the essentials, so I had to get a plan together. I was going to have to get on food stamps.<br />
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Yesterday I swung by the department of social services to apply. Embarrassed, I walked into the office hoping to get in and out of there (Little did I know this would be a three hour stop). As I was standing in line I tried to justify why it was ok for me to be on government assistance. I thought about how I was working my way off help, yes, this was for people like me. Then it hit me that I had told myself those words a few years ago. Ugh... I thought about how I'm no better than the people I was standing in line with... even the guy with a huge devil embroidered on his pants :P After spending three hours with my thoughts I found consolation in my education and plans to finish my degree. In a few years I would have a steady career and wouldn't be so needy.<br />
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I came home and listened to a podcast about our identity in Christ. He gave things outside of Christ we put our identity in... Ouch. I had decided that I would be content with my life when I am financially stable and have done something important with my life. I had let my circumstances define who I was... which was a single mom on government assistance. I've let that define who I am now.<br />
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I was a bit depressed when I realized I had put my hope in circumstances because I thought I had moved past that struggle. After my divorce I had to put my hope in my position in Christ.. my future plans were removed and all I had was Christ. I started to understand what it meant to find my identity in Christ and not in my accomplishments. But I had slowly started to let my circumstances define me and put my hope in a future identity I would make for myself.<br />
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I'm not saying that education and financial plans are wrong, but they become sin when our identity... what defines who we are... is placed in them. So here I am again thankful for God's grace and forgiveness, hoping to rediscover my identity in Him.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-781722560087677023.post-68314832273019981582013-02-11T12:34:00.000-08:002013-02-11T12:34:18.926-08:00Loving your storyI thought I'd pause my story to share some thoughts I have about sharing your story. You may be confused about what you should share... how much is too much?... what is inappropriate?... what glorifies God?... what does not glorify God?... etc. <div>
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Most importantly, I think you need to ask yourself, Do I love my story? Do not hastily answer that question. Stop, and really think about it. Do I honestly love my story? Maybe that fills you with some fear as you start to confront the fact that this life you are living is not what you every really wanted. That is okay. Feel it. Don't push it aside with denial and a false peace. Those feelings of confusion and disappointment are there whether you want them to be or not. You may try to deny them, but the only way you are going to work through them is if you confront them... and share them with God. It may sound disrespectful to question the way He has allowed your life to go....but deep down inside you are questioning Him. He doesn't want you to deal with these feelings on your own! Who better to share them with than God Himself! </div>
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Your story will not be relatable if you choose to deny your feelings of confusion and disappointment. The lady who states "I was sexually abused as a girl, but God is great!", leaves you, as a reader, feeling confused. Maybe you were sexually abused and you can remember the feelings of anger and confusion. You either think that she is in denial, or it leaves you ashamed for the way you've handled your abuse. You still don't know how to work through your confusion with God, and are left feeling annoyed or guilty. </div>
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So now I'm going to leave you with a challenge. Think through your life. What specific event have you tried to erase from your mind... that brings up feelings of bitterness and confusion? Write it down. Don't just write down the basic facts. Write about the plot. Where did take place? What specifically was said or done during that time? And how did it make you feel then.... and now? Then tell God about it. Then... if you think you are ready... read it to a friend. They become your mirror and help you interpret and work through your story.</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-781722560087677023.post-85578305548473524842013-01-23T11:28:00.003-08:002013-01-23T11:29:09.686-08:00Crutch or Battle?I thought I'd throw in a random post for the week on some things I've been wrestling over in my mind.<br />
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I don't like to use the term single mom, because I don't want to look like I'm using it as a crutch. I don't want it to be my "get out of jail free" card when I refer to myself as a single mom. I put a lot of responsibility on myself to still be the parent that my kids need.. even if I have to do it alone. </div>
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But I also feel like there are certain things that I will never be able to do well with my children because I am a single mom. This week I have been determined to cook more often, have the boys brush their teach more often, pray more often with my kids, go to bed earlier...etc. </div>
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I struggled because ALL of those things are very hard to do on my own as a parent. (Seriously, even just having your kids brush their teeth you ask.... Yes! Even remembering to have them brush their teeth). I could just cut myself some slack and say that its ok. I don't have to cook... we don't have pray together... my kids don't have to brush their teeth (their going to fall out anyway right ;)... </div>
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But then I think, no... I have to keep trying. I can't give up cooking and go out to eat every night.. that would be expensive and foolish... I can't stop praying with them... God has called me to reflect Him to my boys... and I can't give up brushing teeth... because eventually those permanent teeth are going to come in, and they might fall out too :P</div>
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So what's the balance? I remembered today something one of my professor's said last semester regarding his weight. He said he thought he was doing ok as long as it was still a battle for him. It would be a problem in his life when he quit trying to fight that particular battle. I thought that could be a great application to single parents. </div>
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Things are going to be hard... and messy... and we are going to fail... A LOT... but its ok as long as we don't give up. We have to stay in the battle and not throw in the towel because we are single moms. We have to keep getting back up.. over and over again. We are doing ok... as long as we don't stay down. </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-781722560087677023.post-23199769046107715952013-01-20T10:07:00.000-08:002013-01-20T10:07:21.520-08:00The Younger Years<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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My cousin Becca (my awana buddy) and I together at Disney</div>
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A couple of weeks ago I was ready to start moving forward with my new theme for my blog "Your Life Story". To be honest I'm a little overwhelmed by the topic now! I have to be careful about what I post and what is appropriate for all to see. So as I ponder through this I thought I'd start with a story a little more lighthearted to give you a glimpse of me during my early years.<br />
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Growing up I was.. hmmm... what's the word... awkward. I was a skinny lanky girl covered in freckles with a thick head of curly red hair. I just wanted to be like everyone else. I was constantly trying to play it safe, never taking risks, trying to just blend in. Every Sunday night I went to Awana at my church. I hated Awana. I could never remember to wear my vest, always forgot my 50 cent dues, did not memorize as many verses as everyone else, and was awful at the game time. Eventually I purposefully "forgot" my vest out of defiance... I bet that showed them :) For those of you who are familiar with Awana know that there are frequent theme nights. One week at Awana while announcements were being made, Cowboy night was announced and we were encouraged to dress up like Cowboys and Cowgirls with a prize given to the best dressed clubber. My little Awana heart was suddenly awakened. I could actually win this one... I definitely could never win a verse quiz or any of their athletic games... but Cowboy night.... (You see my little brother was currently going through a Cowboy phase and had the whole Cowboy get up) BUT was I willing to really put myself out there... was I willing to really stick out? Yes, I nervously decided. I would take a risk and go.all.out.<br />
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The next week I dug through my brother's toy box. I found toy guns complete with their holsters, a cowboy shirt, a fringe vest, a sheriff's badge (not really cowboy, but it made me think cowboy), and a plastic cowboy hat. I looked ridiculous... I wasn't wearing "real" cowboy clothes, but rather looked like a toddler who was playing dress up (not cool for a 4th grader). BUT I knew I could win best dressed in this outfit, so I kept everything on.<br />
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We were driving closer to the church and I was suddenly terrified to get out of the car. I think my mom was just as scared for me as I was. We just sat there in the car in front of the church and she said "Are you sure its tonight?" Thanks mom for the encouraging pep talk :P I decided I was just going to do it. I was just going to walk right in.<br />
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As I was walking into the gym I noticed the kids walking in with me were not wearing cowboy clothes. I started to hyperventilate, but reassured myself that they were just playing it safe, like I would have, and this is a good thing because I now had a better shot at winning. I kept walking to the gym.... and in horror realized I was the only one dressed up. My cousin (who made Awana worth going to) ran over to me dying laughing and told me Cowboy Night was NEXT week. I was MORTIFIED!<br />
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I think this story brings a good visual and understanding to what little Christina was like :) I did not have a relationship with Christ yet and my life goal was to fit it. You will see how this impacted me later during my teen years..<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-781722560087677023.post-55131715069652189732013-01-08T06:55:00.000-08:002013-01-08T07:03:43.999-08:00Your Story<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I'm wanting to make my blog a bit more specific, so I thought I'd hone in on a topic that I am very passionate about... (drum roll)... our life stories. I became passionate about this topic a few years ago when I listened to a conference from Dan Allender about this topic. (Ladies who went of the ladies retreat a couple of years ago have heard all about this :) During that time I felt like I was in a place without hope. My vision for my life ever since high school was to be in the ministry. That was all I ever wanted to do with my life and it was devastating for me to give that up. I continued to settle for lesser desired dreams for my future and eventually I was in a place with no more dreams, simply longing for heaven. </span><br />
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It was during this time that I heard a message about my life story. It completely changed my perspective about my life. I had previously read verses like Jeremiah 29:11 that states:</span><br />
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<sup class="versenum" style="background-color: white; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">11 </sup><span style="background-color: white;">For I know the plans</span><sup class="crossreference" style="background-color: white; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-19647A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)"></sup><span style="background-color: white;"> I have for you,” declares the </span><span class="small-caps" style="background-color: white; font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span><span style="background-color: white;">, “plans to prosper</span><sup class="crossreference" style="background-color: white; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-19647B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)"></sup><span style="background-color: white;"> you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."</span></span><br />
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I knew that the Lord had a plan for my life in my head... but I did not feel it in my heart. I felt like my past and present circumstances were a big mess and I was still waiting for my story to begin. Finally I truly believed that God was writing my life story... and He is good... therefore my story was <i>good</i>. What glorious freedom and joy I felt at that moment! After a few months of meditating over this fact, I not only came to grips with my story... but I also <i>loved</i> my story. As I began to study and read my story I began to see Him working in parts I had never noticed before. I would be lying if I said that I saw Him in every event of my life. There were some events that I was still confused about, but I had a new trust that God had a reason and plan for even those events I couldn't make sense of on my own.</span><br />
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I'm hoping to through some of my story and maybe have some "guests" come and share their stories in the future. I'll end with a couple of questions for you...</span><br />
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1. Have you gone through and read your own story? Many of us enjoy reading other's stories (reality tv, magazines, novels), but we spend most of our life trying to forget our own story. </span><br />
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2. Do you love your story? You cannot tell your story until you love your story. </span><br />
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3. Have you told your story? Sometimes we can't see the beauty of our story on our own. We need others to read it and help us interpret it. We need them to become our mirror and show us themes and facts we had never noticed before. </span><br />
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*Each of our stories reveal a different aspect of God, which is why He gives each of us different stories. Have you thought about what God is trying reveal about Himself through your story?</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-781722560087677023.post-85558221373940372702013-01-04T15:14:00.000-08:002013-01-04T15:14:27.325-08:00journalingToday I went through one of my journals. I only journal when I can't work out problems in my head and use it as a time to sort out my thought and cry out the Lord for help.. or at times cry out to Him in thankfulness. I have about 4 different journals and when I decide to write I just grab the nearest journal. So this particular journal I pulled out started with a praise to the Lord for what He had done for me... then the next article was a few years later and I was at rock bottom asking God why. It made me laugh to myself bc if you didn't notice the dates, you would seriously think I was bipolar! <div>
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Reading through the writings brought some flashbacks to the different seasons in my life. I wanted to knock some sense into the younger me who continually wrote about some of the same struggles. At times I was also able to see some growth in me. I realized that growth is usually gradual... sometimes we don't even realize it until we remember ourselves a few years ago. But overall, I realized that there was nothing really great that I had done. Yes, there was some growth, but usually that growth resulted from God's direct intervention in my life. I thought about how when we share our testimonies, we often omit our sinfulness. Or if we share our sinfulness it is quickly followed by "but I repented from my sins and I was able to conquer those previous struggles... and YOU can be as great as ME if you do what I did!" But honestly, It is only by God's grace that we are free from our strongholds of sin. Really, what brings God more glory... stating our accomplishments, or stating God's intervention and grace when we couldn't get up on our own. </div>
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After going through my journal I resolved to be more honest about my story and keep my focus not on my accomplishments, but on the greatness of God. I guess you could say that is my New Year's resolution ;)</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-781722560087677023.post-14351180001631321192012-12-13T08:32:00.001-08:002012-12-13T08:32:27.869-08:00Fear The past couple of weeks I've been trying to get my game plan together for my future. I have been terrified to make a decision. I do not like setting the direction of my family because I am scared that I am going to fail. I am the type of person that wants others to make decisions for me and tell me what to do. I think I do that just to ensure that I, on my own, will not fail. You see, technically, if the decision I've made based off of what someone has told me to do doesn't work out, I really haven't failed. It wasn't really my decision in the first place. <div>
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I just don't believe that I am wise enough to make important decisions for my family. I am terrified that I will pursue the wrong career and will not be able to provide for my boys. I keep going back to a time period when things looked VERY bleak for us. I thought I was going to have to get a full time job... which would probably pay very little.. which meant that Kydon would have to go to a daycare that accepted government vouchers, and the older boys would have to switch school once again. That's bleak right?! I was an emotional mess during that time, but guess what... God came through for us. He has ALWAYS come through for us! Yes, I have had some "scares", but each and <b>every</b> time He came through... even if it was at the last minute.</div>
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It makes me think about when the Israelites crossed the Red Sea. God did not tell them, "Listen, I'm going to take care of you. Don't worry about getting across the Red Sea. I've got that taken care of." Its not like they were running from the Egyptians and could see the Red Sea parting from a distance as they began to get closer. There was a moment when they stood there right on the shore, trapped between the sea and the Egyptians. What a scary moment right?! But God came through for them and so graciously delivered them. It was part of His plan all along! And guess what? It is part of His plan for me too! I need to listen to Moses' words he gave to the Israelites..</div>
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"... Do not fear! Stand by and see the salvation of the Lord which He will accomplish for you today.."</div>
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So I conclude this post with assurance that I can make decisions because I have the Holy Sprit in me, guiding and directing me... and He can be trusted. Yes, I would love to see His planner for the year He has on file for my family, but He asks me to trust him <i>today</i>. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-781722560087677023.post-29969800679502815492012-12-06T06:31:00.000-08:002012-12-06T06:31:45.199-08:00My name is Christina... and I am girlyThis post contains some thoughts and musings that have been going through my head for a while now. As far back as I can remember, I have loved to dress up. My mom would make me the prettiest frilliest dresses and I couldn't wait for Sunday to come so I could wear one of them to church. I have early memories from when I was 5 walking down the hallway at church to go to my class and all the adults would tell me how pretty I looked in my handmade outfits. I ate it up :) I also remember thinking that 14 was the golden age. Most kids can't wait to turn 16 so they can drive. What was so magical about turning 14 you ask? That was the age I was allowed to wear makeup... blue, purple, green, pink, sparkling eyeshadows and pink, red, violet lipsticks, eyeliner, mascara, blush... the sky was the limit at age 14. You see before then it was just that clear mascara that made you look like you were almost wearing makeup.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">and modeling another dress</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">wearing one of the dresses my mom made for me</td></tr>
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So this was me. 100% girly. The type of girl you never had to force to wear a dress! So then I started school. Occasionally I would dress up for school and wear one of my favorite dresses. Some of the little girls started asking me why liked to wear dresses. I started to get embarrassed about dressing up and made a point to dress down for school. One day I got made fun of for bringing my purse to school, so I quite carrying a purse as well. From that point on I feel like I suppressed the girl inside of me and tried to tell myself that "dressing up" was silly and shallow.<br />
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I was still always paranoid about over dressing. Most women have a fear of being underdressed for a nice event... mine was the complete opposite. About 5 years ago, one of the churches I was attending had a Valentines Banquet. I was so excited because I finally got to get dressed up. I wore my black lacy sparkly dress for this Hawaiian themed banquet. I walked into the fellowship hall and the pastor had on a Hawaiian shirt and shorts. Seriously<br />
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So this bring me to the present. I have decided that I love to dress up and that is ok. Yes, I still wear dresses to my college classes even though we are allowed to wear pants now. Yes I wear my dresses to church, not because I think we should wear our best for God in His house (which seriously makes no sense at all... technically the church isn't God's house... and He makes a point IN Scripture to tell us He doesn't look at the outer appearance, but the heart. Rabbit trail I know) I wear dresses simply because I Love to wear them! That is just who I am. And I'm becoming okay with that :)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0