family pic

family pic

Friday, October 26, 2012

Wacky Tacky Day

Thank you everyone for your sweet words of encouragement after yesterday's blog. I was able to go out to dinner with Tabatha last night and had a break from life for a while while she counseled me :) We actually came to some awesome conclusions about what God is up to in my life and how to handle this will hear all about it later :) So thankful for her :)

So today started out on a humorous note and I thought it was worth blogging about :) Today my children were able to participate in wacky tacky day at school. It was cute seeing how excited they were about this day. Carter typically will not participate in any kind of dress up activity...let me rephrase...any PUBLIC dress up activity ;) But he was excited about dressing up today and even told me all about the out fit he would put together last night. 

I decided I would let them just go at it. I didn't want to interfere and thought this would be a good time to express their creativity. Carter was fine. He thought he was EXTREMELY wacky....but not really...shh don't tell him that ;) 

Quinton...bless his heart....Despite my determination to not interfere, I still definitely had to interfere...

Outfit #1
Quinton walks out of his room with his batman easter basket on his head...that didn't really fit on his head...with batman protruding from the back of his head- I tried to very sweetly tell him that I didn't think his teacher would like that

Outfit #2
Quinton walks out of his room with a pair of underwear on his head- Me "seriously... you seriously want to wear that to school?..... no..... I just can't let you do that"

Outfit #3
Quinton comes out with a couple of t-shirts hanging off his arms. Me "honey, I.... I....I just can't let you wear that.. you won't be able to write with those hanging from your arms"

Outfit #4
The T-shirts are now hanging off his legs. Me "Go change"

Outfit #5

Perfect :)

We pulled up to school and the blessed child had forgotten his book bag. When I scolded him for forgetting it he told me "I was just soooo excited about wacky tacky day. I was just thinking about how this is the best day ever and it made me forgot about my book bag." Needless to say, I think he is going to have a good day :)

Thursday, October 25, 2012


This past week, really the past couple of months, have.been.hard. Typing that feels like quite the understatement. People ask me how I'm doing and I just don't think they'd understand, nor could handle me explaining how crazy life is right I simply smile and say I've been busy. They reply that they are busy too and I force myself to empathize with them... and shove my anxiety and overwhelmedness (pretty sure I just made that word up :P) down and try to ignore it. I guess I've figured accepting it will only cause me to be incredibly sad and angry, so I choose not to accept it. I'm realizing that's pretty dysfunctional and is a sinful strategy as choose to not be vulnerable and expose my pain in order to keep people from hurting/rejecting me. It is also creating bitterness inside of me as I'm disappointed with people for not being there for me. 

So with that said the past few months Kydon has been difficult to deal with. When I pick him up from preschool It feels like he has one long tantrum til bed time. I know something is wrong but I can't figure out what it is. His reflux has been worse, and I want to blame the tantrums on that, but honestly I don't think that is what it is. I know part of it has to do with development. He can't communicate well and he will scream the few words that he knows to tell me what he wants. But honestly I just don't know what is going on. 

I have tried to disassociate my feelings from his tantrums and just mechanically deal with them. I will seriously loose my mind if I think about them too much and become angry. Inevitably I'll hit my breaking point from time to time and take a "mommy time out". Yesterday was awful. I finally accepted my frustration and had a tantrum with the Lord. Why....why, why, why do I have to deal with this!!! My life is seriously already incredibly hard!!! What are you thinking Lord? Aren't you supposed to be good?! Honestly I'm still trying to figure this out. This isn't the first time I've felt this way and I know that God was working in my life in the past when I felt surrounded by chaos. That gives me hope that I'll be able to look back at this time in my life and know that He was actively involved and working His plan in my life. I just want some sweet assurance right now that He is for me...that he is rooting for me. I heard this song, Not For a Moment by Meredith Andrews, on the radio and it has been my rock the past few days:

                                                                         You were reaching through the storm 
walking on the water 
even when I could not see 
in the middle of it all 
when I thought You were a thousand miles away 
not for a moment did You forsake me 
not for a moment did You forsake me 

after all You are constant 
after all You are only good 
after all You are sovereign 
not for a moment will You forsake me 
not for a moment will You forsake me 

You were singing in the dark 
whispering Your promise 
even when I could not hear 
I was held in Your arms 
carried for a thousand miles to show 
Not for a moment did You forsake me 

and every step every breath you are there 
every tear every cry every prayer 
in my heart at my worst 
when my world falls down 
not for a moment will You forsake me 
even in the dark 
even when it's hard 
you will never leave me 
after all 

not for a moment will You forsake me

Good stuff right?! I can't say that I am now in perfect peace with my circumstances, but I do know with assurance that I'll be able to look back on this stage of my life and see God's hand even though I can't see it right now.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

musings on single parenting

I am amazed at how much my thinking and views have been transformed in the last 5 to 10 years. When you turn 20 you think you have gotten this thing called life figured out. You think Christianity is black and white and that there must be a set/default answer and solution for every problem that comes in life. I personally thought as I matured in my walk with God I would learn all of these default answers and my Bible would essentially become my reference book. Larry Crabb calls this recipe theology, where we treat the Bible like a recipe book. Yes there are definite answers and solutions within the Bible that we are commanded to follow, but there are some topics that are not so black and white. We are forced to become completely dependent on the leading of the Holy Spirit to direct and guide us to His will for our own personal life.

One of the ignorant conclusions I had come to when I was younger is that churches should not reach out to single moms. I remember hearing about a single mom's outreach ministry on the radio and being filled with a wave of judgement. They should not be reaching out to those in sin. It almost sounded like they were supporting single moms. Yes if you were a single mom during this stage in my life I probably had mentally cast some judgment on you :P

Oh, how the Lord has transformed my thinking. But He hasn't given me a new set of default answers to my thinking. I'm realizing that there are some topics that just aren't answered in the Bible. One of these topics pertains to single mothers. Previously this was a "black" area. Single moms...bad. Marriage....good. Maybe there were some women that couldn't prevent becoming single mothers, but surely they could have prevented getting in bad relationship. If they became pregnant and didn't get married...that was their fault. If they got married and their marriage failed...they could have somehow prevented that. I now see that my error was in believing that we as humans have to power to control others and our circumstances. I now realized that we don't. God was the perfect father and husband, but Israel still rebelled against Him. Would we dare say to God, maybe if you were just a little more gracious to them they would have remained true to you? or "if you could have just showed them a little more tough love...?"

 And then God took me off my prideful throne and I become one of those single moms. I became frustrated with people who judge or stereotype single moms. I'm finding people/churches reach out to them because they see them in sin. My skin cringes when I hear people say that they will reach out to single moms because they are in a ditch (implied that they have fallen into sin). I've realized there isn't a default answer to this topic. Yes, some single moms are rebelling against the Lord. Yes, some married women are rebelling against the Lord. We can't put a "good" and "bad" label these categories. I get frustrated and worked up over the judgmental views of single parenting, then the Lord ever so gently reminds me that this was me 7 years ago! I wish I could go back in time and explain 20 year old me why single mom's need to be reached out to and supported. What reasons would I give you ask? Stayed tuned and find out... ;)