Fear

The past couple of weeks I've been trying to get my game plan together for my future. I have been terrified to make a decision. I do not like setting the direction of my family because I am scared that I am going to fail. I am the type of person that wants others to make decisions for me and tell me what to do. I think I do that just to ensure that I, on my own, will not fail. You see, technically, if the decision I've made based off of what someone has told me to do doesn't work out, I really haven't failed. It wasn't really my decision in the first place. 

I just don't believe that I am wise enough to make important decisions for my family. I am terrified that I will pursue the wrong career and will not be able to provide for my boys. I keep going back to a time period when things looked VERY bleak for us. I thought I was going to have to get a full time job... which would probably pay very little.. which meant that Kydon would have to go to a daycare that accepted government vouchers, and the older boys would have to switch school once again. That's bleak right?! I was an emotional mess during that time, but guess what... God came through for us. He has ALWAYS come through for us! Yes, I have had some "scares", but each and every time He came through... even if it was at the last minute.

It makes me think about when the Israelites crossed the Red Sea. God did not tell them, "Listen, I'm going to take care of you. Don't worry about getting across the Red Sea. I've got that taken care of." Its not like they were running from the Egyptians and could see the Red Sea parting from a distance as they began to get closer. There was a moment when they stood there right on the shore, trapped between the sea and the Egyptians. What a scary moment right?! But God came through for them and so graciously delivered them. It was part of His plan all along! And guess what? It is part of His plan for me too! I need to listen to Moses' words he gave to the Israelites..

"... Do not fear! Stand by and see the salvation of the Lord which He will accomplish for you today.."

So I conclude this post with assurance that I can make decisions because I have the Holy Sprit in me, guiding and directing me... and He can be trusted. Yes, I would love to see His planner for the year He has on file for my family, but He asks me to trust him today.