I am ___________ (fill in the blank).
Did you answer lonely, or unloveable. Maybe you have had a glimpse of love this week and could put loved. Or are you broken and dysfunctional? Do you define yourself based off your current circumstances... or maybe by your past regrets?
To be completely honest, I struggle understanding who I am in Christ and how He views me. I so desperately want to understand what God sees when He looks at me. To understand my identity in Him. I know in my head that He sees me as His beloved child, redeemed by Christ's blood. I know that He doesn't label me based off my current or past sins. But, sometimes I don't feel that in my heart. Sometimes I just feel worthless. I don't want to feel that way and I pray that God will change those feelings, and I read about my identity in His Word.... and sometimes that ends with me feeling of worth and value. But it isn't over. I am plagued with feelings of worthlessness the next day or even the next couple of hours and I have to sort them all out with the Lord over...and over....again. Even just admitting my insecurities makes me struggle with worthlessness, because I so wish I was confident in who I am in the Lord. Essentially, I feel worthless for feeling that I'm worthless! BUT that's just where I am. I wish I had confidence in my identity in Christ... and I am daily striving to understand my identity. Somedays it clicks for me, and somedays it just doesn't. But I'm not going to give up trying to understand the way God views me.. and I think that is all that God is asking me to do.
I've been thinking about how I identify myself especially this past week and have realized that I often let my past define who I currently am. I will think of a past mistake that cannot be erased or forgotten and let that fill me with shame and regret. And then at times I go a step further... I let that shame define me as a bad and worthless person. What if...when my past was remembered, instead of letting feelings of shame and worthlessness define me...I was filled with joy and thankfulness because God sees me as His precious forgiven daughter? And what if... as brothers and sisters in Christ... we looked at each other through the lens of their identity in Christ? What freedom that would bring to us and to our family in Christ!