family pic

family pic

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

God's will or mine...

My oldest Quinton finished his last day of Kindergarden yesterday. Some of you may remember I was a bit... ok maby alot....terrified of sending him off to school. I was pretty set on homeschooling him, but a month before school was to start I had alot of trials come up in my life that would make homeschooling quite difficult. I felt like I was suppossed to stick it out and still homeschool because that was best for Quinton. I knew it was going to be really hard, but I tried not to think about it because that was God's will for our family...or so I thought.

Right before school was to start I talked to an individual from my church that basically told me I was crazy! I was forced to really think through my decision and how I was going to make it all work and I had to admit that I couldn't do it. I felt like a failure having to admit that my own son was better off in school during the day than at home with me. At this point it was too late for me to pick which school to send him to. There were a couple of public schools in the area that seemed like lesser evils :), but the choosing period was over and he had to go to sedge garden, which i hadn't heard good or bad things about.

Right at that point Quinton began to ask several questions about how to become a christian and really wanted to get saved. I had him talk to our children's pastor and he came out and told me he understood salvation and the next time he asked about to let him establish a relationship with Christ. The next day he asked and he prayed asking God to forgive the bad things he had done and that he believed in Jesus and wanted to obey Him now. I saw that as a sign from God that He was going to take care of my sweet Quinton.

He soon started school and it actually wasn't too bad :) It forced our family to get on a schedule. Kydon wasn't sleeping well, so if I didn't have to take Quinton to school I would probably just be laying around the house all day exhausted and depressed. It kept me moving, which is what my kids needed from me. Quinton actually was able to tell some kids about Jesus and two of them prayed and asked Jesus to come into their hearts during center time. He came home with alot of stories about discussions they had about how "Brody said that Jesus died on a pole, but I told him he is wrong and it was a cross" :) know real in depth debates like that :)

As the school year was finishing out I realized that I was wrong about my view on sending Quinton off to school. I thought God was telling me that homeschooling was best but because I couldn't handle it, He was allowing me to put him in school. I realized that Quinton going off to public school was God's will for Quinton last year. That is what he wanted all along. I'm not saying that is God's will for everyone, and I do think he has equiped some mom's to homeschool their children or to put their kids in Christian school. I think I view God as being harsh and having really high expectations for me. I've even told him that I can't do all that He wants me to do. But I'm realizing that I have set alot of these expectations for myself. If I honestly and truly can't do something, I really need to evaluate if that is from God or if its an expectation I have for myself. I guess the next question is why do I have such high expectations for myself....hmmm...maby that could be for another blog :)