journaling

Today I went through one of my journals. I only journal when I can't work out problems in my head and use it as a time to sort out my thought and cry out the Lord for help.. or at times cry out to Him in thankfulness. I have about 4 different journals and when I decide to write I just grab the nearest journal. So this particular journal I pulled out started with a praise to the Lord for what He had done for me... then the next article was a few years later and I was at rock bottom asking God why. It made me laugh to myself bc if you didn't notice the dates, you would seriously think I was bipolar! 

Reading through the writings brought some flashbacks to the different seasons in my life. I wanted to knock some sense into the younger me who continually wrote about some of the same struggles. At times I was also able to see some growth in me. I realized that growth is usually gradual... sometimes we don't even realize it until we remember ourselves a few years ago. But overall, I realized that there was nothing really great that I had done. Yes, there was some growth, but usually that growth resulted from God's direct intervention in my life. I thought about how when we share our testimonies, we often omit our sinfulness. Or if we share our sinfulness it is quickly followed by "but I repented from my sins and I was able to conquer those previous struggles... and YOU can be as great as ME if you do what I did!" But honestly, It is only by God's grace that we are free from our strongholds of sin. Really, what brings God more glory... stating our accomplishments, or stating God's intervention and grace when we couldn't get up on our own. 

After going through my journal I resolved to be more honest about my story and keep my focus not on my accomplishments, but on the greatness of God. I guess you could say that is my New Year's resolution ;)